On Vacationing Softly and Committing to Few Things
I don't want to maximize my holiday, I just want to rest. A no paywall edition of the newsletter.
My email and social media feeds are shouting at me about the best ways to relax. Whether it’s lists outlining “the best places to have a winter date”, “the most viral croissant trends to try”, or the best books, movies, and ways to optimize my time in the year to come, it all feels like a lot.
This is perhaps because I’m in my last week in the public service, and it is hard to think about anything beyond ending this chapter and beginning the next one in a good way. It’s a familiar feeling. In high school and university, even when I wasn’t studying, I could always feel my exams and schoolwork, and it made it difficult to say yes to anything else. A drive with my parents, a meal out, an afternoon movie, or the possibility of other commitments at crunch periods would cause me to panic. Even now, I don’t compartmentalize well, and can only do a few things at once.
Does this resonate with you? I don’t think I’m alone in this. Recently I watched a video where YouTuber Ali Abdaal spoke about managing his energy instead of his time. To do this, he keeps three lists that relate to his personal life. One list is of things he wants to do (his bucket list so to speak) and this list is long. It includes languages to learn, skills to develop, trips to take, and things to experience. The next list is of his current projects/habits (he calls this active investments) and most people do best when their commitments are no more than 3-5 projects/priorities. His own list is three items. The final list he keeps is of completed projects.
(An important aside: my husband pointed out that cooking, grocery shopping, housework, and life admin in general are not an obvious part of the list Ali shares in this video. Presumably these activities are happening, perhaps they are outsourced, but either way, these are activities that take up energy. Only focusing on work, personal relationships, and personal projects/priorities is not an option for most people.)
That aside, I like the idea of having a few priorities. This newsletter for example, is one of my commitments for 2023. This is the space where I will be most active next year, and in 2023, paid subscribers will receive at least one post a week (an increase from two times a month) of detailed takeaways about what I’m reading and listening to, curated lists of things I love and why, and essays on equity, grief, miscarriages, books, art, work and money, marriage, and individual and collective healing. If you can’t subscribe right now, know that there will still be free content available, but I’m still working out what that schedule will be).
If you’ve gone through some things and are striving for a more equitable world and a life of softness, beauty and gentleness, and this sounds like your cup of tea, you can upgrade your subscription below. (It’s 15% off annual subscriptions until Dec 23rd).
And as 2022 winds down, I’d love to hear from you! This newsletter started in February, and this is its 22nd edition. There are readers who have read every single edition of it so far, and I’d love to hear your thoughts.
I’d also love to hear about what you’ve enjoyed most this year in terms of topics and content.
Favourites This Week
To read
The Problem with Tables by Aida Mariam Davis (Stanford Social Innovation Review): This stunning article is about how conversations about inclusion must extend to examining the validity of systems themselves. My favourite three quotes from the article:
Toni Morrison so beautifully captured the precariousness of the table in The Bluest Eye. She described structures we navigate regularly but don't question as “furniture without memories”— the items and ideas that we accept as true and necessary but that don’t necessarily have meaning in our lives. The “furniture” Morrison is referring to are the rituals, routines, structures and organizations that shape our beliefs and behavior. The things that we are conditioned to accept without questioning.
The implicit assumption behind these calls is that the board of directors, as a table of overseers, is the best way to govern and manage organization leadership. It also assumes that if we have more people of diverse experiences at the table, it will function differently. It is a shallow and superficial logic that suggests any group of people are a monolith, that a single Black woman can represent the interests of all Black people. It is like pulling up a seat at the table but not changing the design and construction of the table or its functionality.
By resisting standardized processes, we resist transactional ways of working and invite a relationship.
I loved this read about the process of re-learning languages and seeking to expand one’s life through new languages. My favourite quotes and take aways:
I had to practice, integrate the language into my life, and learn the challenging writing system. I had to learn to be okay with being wrong.
I had to start studying again. But this time, I wasn’t scared of being bad at it. I just had to try.
I turned to how I learned the other languages: practice, failure, writing, reading, and speaking.
There is treasure buried in the nostalgia of trying.
To Watch
The Flatshare: Streaming on Paramount+, this show is based on the novel of the same name by Beth O’Leary in which two people share a flat by occupying it during different hours. The book has its flaws and the show is no different, but the show is entertaining, watchable and sweet, despite its flawed characters. The male lead is a show stealer.
The Marriage App: Streaming on Netflix, this Argentinian film is about a couple with teenage kids who are frustrated with each other, and the amount of work involved in their relationship. To do something different, they download a marriage app that rewards them with points for goodness - washing the dishes is a set number of points, words of affirmation are a different amount. Rewards can be redeemed for time away guilt-free from one’s family. The film is an amusing examination of duty and service, roles, and shame.
As always, thank you for reading and sharing, and I’ll see you soon.
On Vacationing Softly and Committing to Few Things
Marriage app. Love this