Hardship Can Feel Gentle
On paying attention to possibility and magic and dialing down what does not serve you. Plus some exciting offerings on the horizon!
I had surgery last week. Due to an unexpected cancellation, with less than 24 hours notice, I found myself in the hospital last week awaiting a day surgery on a day I had planned to relax in the sun after a busy work week. I spent the next few days at home resting, and am more or less, recovered now.
The whole experience was a reminder of the verse from the Qur’an: “surely with hardship comes ease.”
Not before, not after, but with.
This week that gentleness came in the form of hospital preparation sheets with culturally relevant foods. It came in the form of songs from Coke Studio, (a Pakistani musical show) playing in the operating theatre while surgery was taking place. It was having book chats about the joy of reading and Reese Witherspoon’s bookclub selection strategy with the nurse doing my IV before the procedure began. It was my first meal at home after hours of fasting.
Over the past few years, I have become a careful student and observer of this principle: the harder things are, the more gentleness emerges. The more I notice this principle, the more I develop a friendship with myself, the more beauty I stumble upon and notice, the more life feels drenched with possibility and hope. Despite illness, loss, challenges, life feels more joyous than not, more hopeful than not, more magical than not.
That doesn’t mean grief disappears exactly, or hard things cease to be hard, or illness is less painful, but rather, that I have found that the only way to get through the hard stuff is to actively seek the gentle moments within it. To actively notice that the world is more beautiful than any individual sorrow, to catalogue moments of wonder and awe.
I still wake up with heavy limbs sometimes, waterlogged with sadness and/or grief. I still go underwater from time to time, but this lens has changed me.
Part of what has helped me become more attentive to gentleness and joy is quieting down the noise coming from everywhere else. To focus intently on my own life, trying as much as possible to avoid comparing my life with the shape of anyone else’s or with imagined societal norms.
I watched a very entertaining Netflix series recently called “How to Get Rich” featuring Ramit Sethi that emphasized that what a person spends money on depends on their own values and the shape of their lives. (As an example, often though not always, subscribing to this newsletter is a decision made because someone reads it often, values the labour of writing, and has a connection to small business and art).
Below are Ramit’s own money rules that are specific to him, and he stresses, perhaps not relevant to anyone else. His point: Knowing what you want to spend money on helps you creates systems and processes so that you are consciously spending, rather than mindlessly spending in ways that do not reflect your own values.
For me, the show was a reminder that the jobs we have, where we live, how we spend our time, how much we travel, the shape of our families - (the list goes on and on) - some of that is because of circumstances and some of that is because of decisions we make to create lives that work for us. When I am tired or mindlessly scrolling, it is easy to forget that and compare, rather than being grateful for and trusting the specific me-shaped version of my life. I am getting better at this but I have a propensity to second guess myself, a tendency to be quick to self-doubt. Having blinders on in some respects helps me focus on the miracles and opportunities present in the unique challenges and joys of my own life.
I heard a similar sentiment in a novel I read recently called “The Happy Place” by Emily Henry. Overall the novel isn’t great, but I appreciated the main character’s reflections about creating a life that works for her, and her actions to step away from other voices (specific or societal) as she figures out and gains confidence in what that looks like:
Offerings
Lets spend more time together! Below are some upcoming offerings.
Bookclubs
My Weekend is All Booked: A Bi-weekly Sharing of Wonderful Books: Held every two weeks between May 9 and June 20th 2023 this free bookclub is an opportunity to both share your love of reading and get inspired by others. This is a session to share what you're reading, what you're hoping to read and what you're just finished. It's a generous, open-hearted space and one of my favourite forms of bookclub because there is no assigned reading! We do not read the same book together, we just talk about books. When you sign up for tickets, make sure you sign up for the dates (you can sign up for multiple sessions) that work for you.
A Little Bit of Hope Book Club - June Pick: You Could Make This Place Beautiful
Starting on June 29, this bookclub offering is for paid subscribers of the newsletter. The bookclub picks will center around hope and equity - this book pick is one about hope, finding oneself, possibility, healing, friendship and art. I loved it, and can’t wait to discuss it with you.
Workshop: Creating a Faith Friendly Workplace: Held on May 30th from 11-12:30 PST, this 90 minute workshop is an opportunity to learn more about how to address the needs of employees who hold religious/faith/spiritual identities. This is a particularly good workshop if you manage staff or work with people of diverse spiritual and religious traditions.
Things I Loved Recently
In the past couple of weeks I had pain flares that meant I watched more television and read more than I thought possible. (To hear more about the books I’ve been reading, do come to my bi-monthly book share.
All to say, I’ve been watching and listening to and reading many things recently. Here are my #1 favourites in each category.