I’m a writer (and other life discoveries)
On miscarriages, bicycles and new newsletter announcements.
I become a different person when I am having a miscarriage. In those days and weeks, I am not shaken by those around me, I acknowledge my fears without disparaging or dismissing them, and I am loving, tender, and fiercely protective of myself. I listen to myself without judgement and pay attention to how I speak to and show up for myself. I surrender. I feel mercy around me. I turn inward, keenly aware that I am on my own path, and that while others can care and offer solace, this is my journey, and each person is on their own. There is no way to stop the experience, so I hold fast to my practices and keep going, without motivational slogans about how the only thing to fear is fear itself.
Outside of a miscarriage however, it is a different story.
In my everyday life, I run away from discomfort.
In June I signed up for three identical offerings of a beginner cycling class and three practice classes, all taking place in August. I made it to one of the six. The morning I attended, all I wanted to do was climb back into bed, pull the covers over my head and will myself to disappear. The version of me who had enthusiastically signed up two months previously had left.
After the class I still couldn’t ride, so I bought a bicycle to practice on but only picked it up a month later. (The bike shop has now told me to come back in a month for a service, but I think that is predicated on the bike getting some use in between those dates).
In the cycling class, I kept imagining different versions of disastrous scenarios, and it made it difficult to try. Stuck on outcomes and terrified of pain, I could not focus on the next step of the journey. I wanted to know the ending and whether I would get hurt. In a miscarriage however, you can only focus on one contraction at a time. One step at a time. You have no idea how long it will all take, how long your emotional and physical recovery will be, and you don’t have the cognitive ability to think longer-term.
In other words, you focus on process.
This message, focus on process, has been resonating through all parts of my life lately.
On Abolition:
At a talk with Gina Dent and Angela Davis about their latest book “Abolition. Feminism. Now.” last week, Angela Davis said:
“Freedom is assumed to be a goal, and that one day we will get there. It’s a process, a journey, and we can uncover so much on the road to freedom.”
In other words, we are not simply striving for equity and freedom as a fixed point on the horizon, it is part of the entire journey. It is in how we love each other, how we show up for one another, how we reject punishing ways of being and relating to one another as we strive for revolution.
On Finance:
Recently, I’ve been reading a wonderful book called Finance For the People. One of the main points of the book is that instead of setting up specific time-based goals it is better to focus on processes and habits. The author recommends:
Setting goals for how much you will save from each paycheque each month
Automating your money by having different cards with different limits for different purposes or different accounts. (For example, if you go to dinner with a debit only loaded with a particular amount, you cannot exceed that)
Creating a spending plan that reflects your values
Having a gratitude practice
Having a weekly time where you think through your finances
Making a plan to work through your limiting beliefs about money
On Healing:
I recently read “Love Warrior” by Glennon Doyle about the author’s healing journey after a surprising marriage betrayal and her journey to repair her relationship with herself. It is about healing bit by bit, sitting with one’s pain, listening to one’s intuition, building trust with yourself, unifying your body, mind and spirit and moving toward healing one small act at a time, uncertain of where exactly you are going, but believing in the truth of the path you are on. It is about learning to know oneself. It is a beautiful book, and although I still love her later book “Untamed”, I recommend the read. In the book, she drags herself to a daily writing appointment with herself, she goes to yoga and commits to just sitting on the mat without leaving, she starts therapy, and she takes time to be by herself and discover what she likes independent of her roles. It is about small acts, it is about process and it is powerful.
I turned a whole year older since we last spoke and one of my birthday reflections has been that I find it very difficult to call myself a writer.
And yet, I have written and had readers always. Through my old blog Seriously Planning, I wrote and shared excellent reads for more than a decade.
My writing has always been free and that will always be important to me. But I am increasingly realising that opening up more time for longer form projects requires turning on paid subscriptions for this newsletter. Paid subscriptions will help me create more frequent posts and give me the time and space for longer form pieces that are more personal.
This newsletter is for people who have gone through some things and are striving for a more equitable world and a life of softness, beauty and gentleness.
A subscription can:
Provide joy
Help you focus your reading selections
Offer a place to think through softness and equity work
Offer reflections about slow, steady healing work
At this time the newsletter will continue to have a free option, but I will send book notes and longer pieces to paid subscribers. What this looks like will likely change as the months go on and I experiment with what feels right, but for now, know that the subscribe feature is on and you can upgrade your subscription if you are able and would like to.
To Read
Her First Palestinian by Saeed Teebi: This short story collection is set in Toronto and it is an altogether surprising collection. Each story is textured and nuanced and interesting and bold and though there seems to be a taboo in speaking about the oppression of and experiences of Palestinians, this book does so masterfully. Each story is different, and yet they are connected by the identities of the main characters. I am always missing Toronto and this book was a collection that helped bring the city alive to me.
To Listen:
Finding Our Way: Building Power with Alicia Garza on Apple Podcasts
This podcast with Prentis Hemphill interviewing Alicia Garzia is powerful. It discussed how change happens, the importance of being precise about power, why we must transform our fear and the importance of collaboration. (If you’d like my takeaways, I’ll be sending them out this week to paid subscribers along with my reading notes from “Finance for the People”.)
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