On Hourly Resolutions Instead of Yearly Resolutions
On learning from pain, cultivating joy and my takeaways on building strong parent-adult child relationships
Over the past few months, my husband has been watching the old television show House M.D. Each episode is identical. There is an inciting incident that results in the patient being rushed to hospital, an initial diagnosis followed by treatment, and then, just when it seems like the patient is getting better, things suddenly turn worse. Suddenly, the patient is bleeding uncontrollably, or collapsing, or crashing — however it manifests, the patient is suddenly in critical condition and the diagnostic team is faced with a puzzle.
The case goes from bad to worse, but at the last moment, in some unrelated mundane conversation, someone will say something causing Dr. House to pause, and voila! he cracks the case. The random comment about utensils being in the wrong drawer results in him putting all the pieces together.
In reality though, diagnostics is never so tidy or rapid. A day or after we got back to Vancouver from South Africa my hands started to hurt. In the days and weeks since then I’ve become more ill - my joints aflame, and my heart tight and painful along with a swirl of other symptoms and abnormal blood work.
It’s a mystery still what precisely is wrong, and as I wait for a specialist appointment I’ve been working less than full-time hours as I finish my role in the public sector.
Normally, ending a job would result in a lot of personal reflection. And in December, I like to take time to look over the year and set intentions for the year to come. These are excellent activities, but this year, more than thinking at the scale of the year, the month or the week, I find myself thinking a lot more about my day, my hour, and my moments because how I’m feeling changes so rapidly. As a result, within the container of my interactions, my meetings and my days, recently I’ve been trying to implement the following practices in personal and professional contexts:
Continuous appreciation: There are particular moments when it is easier to visibly praise others. At birthdays. During wedding speeches. At conference retreats. During graduations. When someone is leaving a job. During a eulogy. And yet in between those moments, (or never at all depending who you are and your social location), you may never hear about your impact on others. On a day-to-day basis, you may never hear about the tremendous gifts you bring to your family and team. And so, I am trying to be more forthcoming with my praise. To praise and recognize the gifts and contributions of others despite it seeming cheesy or out of place, because each moment is worth cherishing.
Surrender and acceptance: Though I’m sure anger always impacts our internal climate, in the past few weeks when I am angry and elevated the intensity of my pain increases to an almost unbearable level. I am learning therefore to choose my battles - not to ignore or sidestep when action is needed, but to recognize when there is no relationship between my outrage and the change I seek. When something is outside my sphere of influence, I am learning to surrender, let go and protect my energy.